it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
