i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
