Where are you?
In a non slutty way
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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