Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
