He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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