I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
