I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
