I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
