Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
