My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
