Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
