Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This baby is an asshole
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
