careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I should be sponsored by Trojan
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
