You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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