What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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