We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
