when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
