so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
