I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Buhtt sex?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
