Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
