I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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