I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
