I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
