I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
