he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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