Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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