We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
