Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want nice things and good sex
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
