i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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