I wanna bring you to show and tell
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
