Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
