Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
