She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
