This is not my ceiling
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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