Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
