I wish you could order shots online.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
