hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
