I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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