But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
