go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
