I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
