I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
