I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dear god my vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
