you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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