sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
