Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
