guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
