Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
