Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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