I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
