my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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